3 Ways To Silence Your Inner Critic

 

My latest breakthrough in therapy is facing my Inner Critic. Something so simple that I almost want to kick myself for not working on it much sooner in life! I should say thankfully I learned something great in therapy and am practicing it now. See how my inner critic tells me I am stupid for not dealing with it sooner? My inner critic is an asshole, but I am taking the power back! It is all about recognizing this negative voice, taking away it's control of your thoughts, and eventually silencing it, or ignoring it altogether.

It is exhausting, and it isn't easy... We have to unlearn behaviors, break bad habits, practice coping mechanisms, and do any "homework" you may get from your therapist, or that you may give to yourself. The road to a more peaceful existence is not an easy one, but the more tools you have in your tool box the better the chances are that you will use them.  

This post explains 3 different ways to quiet your inner critic, that voice inside your head that tells you you are not good enough, or something to that effect. This voice robs us of our confidence, impacts our relationships, and can significantly lower our quality of life. I hope you find one, or all three of these methods helpful to you on your personal journey.

 1) Turn your Inner CRITIC into your Inner COACH!

This is a simple writing exercise to reframe the verbiage used by your inner critic.  Take a regular sheet of paper and draw a line down the center. On the left side you are going to write the nastiest things your inner critic tells you, such as "nobody likes you", "you are so fat", "you will never be successful"....

On the right hand side you are going to turn those negative things into positives.  You will be turning up the volume of positivity while turning down the volume of negativity in your head. The "nobody likes you" becomes everyone likes you, or more specifically your family loves you, or your boss likes you, or a specific friend loves you. Follow suit with any of the other nasty thoughts that you are hearing. 

Now that list on the right should read something like: I am fun to be around, I am working hard to lose weight, I have accomplished many things... Once you replace all of the negative inner critic phrases cut that paper right down that line you drew.  Crumple up that left side and throw it in the trash. Or ceremoniously set it on fire, and dance around it screaming "I am awesome!" at the top of your lungs. 

* Please don't set anything on fire inside, and really write it out if you can as opposed to typing. You get a better sense of control by crossing things off, drawing a giant X over items, cutting the page, and eventually crumpling it up, ripping it to shreds, and/or setting it on fire. Outside. In a designated area. For fires.  

Here is a great visual from teacherspayteachers.com

2) Self Affirmations

This is something I have just started myself and is the beginning of my battle with my own inner critic. It feels silly at first, especially if you speak out loud. It is kind of reminiscent of Stuart Smalley in that SNL sketch from the 1990's played by now politician Al Franken. At one point in the sketch Stuart looks in the mirror and says "I am good enough, I am smart enough, and dog gone it, people like me".  Needless to say I avoid these to prevent myself from laughing and taking this serious because it freakin' works!

The first step is to write down a list of positive affirmations that you resonate with. I found inspiration from other blogs and psychology articles online. I just started copying down words and phrases that described me or personality traits that I wish I had. I then highlighted some of my favorites.  I made a separate list of the affirmations that were specific to starting my day, because that is when my inner critic is the loudest. I even took one phrase that really resonated with me and created a small poster. It now hangs in my office (pictured below) so I can see it every day.

I practice self-affirmations along with breathing techniques while I walk my dog each morning. You can write them on post-it notes or index cards. Put them where you will see them while you are getting ready for the day, in your car, at your work station...

3) The Third Person Method

The third person method works by changing the way you talk to yourself, and allows you to give yourself the compassion you would give others. This is not how your inner critic operates, so it is a real shock to the systematic negative thinking that has become the norm. 

More than likely you are a compassionate person who cares very deeply for others. When you talk to a friend or loved one you use words of encouragement and emphasize the person's strengths. you lift them up. You don't want them to be sad, you want to help them. So why can't we do this for ourselves?

For example, as my mind swirls down a negative vortex of thoughts such as "nobody likes me", or "today is going to a terrible day". Stop it! Talk to yourself as you would a friend. You want to love yourself right? Show yourself some love. "Jay you are loved", "You are going to have a great day", "you have a place in this world", "you are doing the best you can" and "everything is going to be okay".

I also use this method on those mornings when I am very anxious. My inner critic tells me that I am not good at my job, so I don't want to go to work. My inner critic reminds me of all of the things that I should be worrying about, even though they are out of my control. Does your inner critic do this?  Talk to yourself, console yourself, tell yourself what you would tell a friend. 

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Just like every other coping mechanism out there you need to practice. I have a bad habit of forgetting my coping mechanisms when I am having a good day. However, the inner critic is still there and will be for as long as you let it. I find that dealing with my inner critic and practicing the above advice in the way I do I am making it a daily ritual. Basically, every morning I walk my dog and talk to myself. In the age of Bluetooth and Air Buds it's not so bad. 

Here is an article I used to inspire my list: self affirmations 

I hope you find it useful.

Jay